Friday, August 10, 2007

12 Ways To Stop The Telemarketers (Sure Shots Ways To Ensure You Are Not Called Again!)

  1. After the telemarketer finishes speaking ask them to marry you
  2. Ask them to call you at work and give them the number of the local ICICI branch manager
  3. Tell them that your agent handles all such things and give the phone to your 3 year old son
  4. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times...
  5. After they finish speaking ask them to repeat everything sloowwwly so that you can write it all down.
  6. Tell them that you are hard of hearing and ask them to speak louder.. louder ... louder...
  7. Tell them it is your birthday and ask them to sing "Happy Birthday" for you. Three times.
  8. If they start with "How are you today?", immediately say - "I am so happy you asked! I had so much trouble on the pot this morning! The stuff refused to slip out! I strained and I strained..."
  9. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketing call immediately say "Sania, My Love! Why haven't you called for so long! I have missed you so much my dearest!...". If they say they aren't Sania tell them to stop kidding and continue in the same vein. Perfect if the caller is a guy :-)
  10. Listen for 5 secs and then say "Excuse me..." and sing "De Do Mera Panch Rupaya Bara Anna, Marega Bhaiya...". Then ask them to continue. For another 5 secs. Then sing again... Repeat. 
  11. Call them "Darling" through out the call
  12. Ask them for their address so that you can take them to dinner tonight followed by....

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